Pleasure reading
I’ve just finished reading the psychological book written by Eric Berne. I’ll probably split the post into two or three parts to share my impression and thoughts after reading the book and some useful vocabulary I chose.
You probably wonder what this book is about, and I’ll tell you!
This book supposed to be the sequel to the Eric Berne’s book «Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy» (which I would love to read as well) but it can read and understood independently. Probably, the more detailed analysis of games the author is talking about will help you to understand them better and to learn how to apply them properly in your life.
The book is decided into three parts:
- Analysis of Games
- A Thesaurus of Games
- Beyond Games
In the first part of the book E. Berne describes three types of the states of ego: «I’m Parent», «I’m Adult» and «I’m Child».
He claims that most of the negative reactions/ behaviors are connected with confusion of these roles.
In the second part he describes the games through which people interact with each other.
Here is the list of these games:
1. Life Games ( or «Игры на всю жизнь»)
which includes such games as «Alcoholic», «Debtor» («Должник»), «Kick Me» game, «Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a B» (I don’t want you write this bad word, hope you understood), «See What You Made Me Do».
These games influence the players a lot and play a big role in their destiny.
2. Marital Games
which include «Corner», «Courtroom», «Frigid Woman», «Harried» («загнанная домохозяйка» in Russian), «If It Weren’t For You», «Look How Hard I Tried» and «Sweetheart» games.
In this part the author gives an example of a each game.
I’d love to share with you an example of a «If It Weren’t For You» game which impressed me the most (in a negative way, I would say).
E.Berne says that this is one of the most popular games for spouses in which (basically) a woman get married with a tyrannical man (because she somehow needs restrictions) who restricts her actions and doesn’t allow her to do some things she used to do before marriage (relations with this man). In this case a woman plays a role of a victim who complains that her partner (a boyfriend/a husband) is an obstacle to the fulfillment of certain desires/actions.
Basically, in such cases, the problem lies not in the partner who forbids something to do, but in the victim her(him)self, according to what Berne says.
3. Party Games
«Ain’t It Awful», «Blemish» («Изъян»), «Schlemiel» («Растяпа»), and «Why Don’t You – Yes, But».
For example, at the party:
Person 1: accidentally spills a drink on Person’s 2 clothes.
Person 2: gets angry at first, but understands that if he/she displays hostility then Person 1 will win this game, causing (undesirable but) negative emotions.
Person 1: gives apologies
Person 2: decides to forgive Person 1
Person 1: keeps spoiling things, mood and atmosphere around experiencing childish joy from this, but Person 2 feels satisfaction, as well, from the situation in which he/she showed courage and restraint.
The real prize in this game is not the pleasure gained from destroying things but forgiveness received from Person 2.
4. Sexual Games
I’ll just list the games this section includes because I don’t really want to talk about it (sorry, hope you understand!).
You can even skip this one!
«Let’s You And Him Fight», «Perception 6», «Rapo», «The Stocking Game», «Uproar».
5. Underworld Games
Includes «Cops and Robbers», «How Do You Get Out Of Here», «Let’s Pull A Fast One On Joey».
In this section E. Berne tells us about an uneasy life of social care workers and their communication with criminals in and out of prison. Mostly, the author talks about theft and fraud.
6. Consulting Room Games
This part includes «Greenhouse», «I’m only Trying To Help You», «Indigence» («Нуждающийся»), «Peasant» («Крестьянка»), «Psychiatry», «Stupid», «Wooden Leg».
Here the author considers such games in which, for example, a client at the psychotherapist’s appointment subconsciously set up to not get help (having read scientific literature and pretending to know everything).
He/she plays a psychiatrist him/herself. When he/she really doesn’t get help, he/she says: «I told you it wouldn’t work».
7. Good Games
Such games help the player to reveal him/herself and it gives some benefits to other members of this game.
Like for Part 2.🤍
